Crucial Principle Series #1
When conversation, conflict, and confusion arise, you may exert great effort to be understood. “Why don’t they understand what I’m saying? I don’t think they appreciate my situation. How many times do I have to explain this?”
Slow down. Back up. Start over.
Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
Hear their story first. Repeat parts of it back to them to make sure you understand them. Make sure they feel heard.
If you can do this, you have created a new starting point for helping them understand your side of the story. Of course, there are no guarantees that they will reciprocate with equally gracious listening. But, the exercise of this crucial principle changes you!
Try this in your next conversation today. Practice, practice, practice. Looking back on conversations and conflicts gone wrong, I can quickly see that I inverted this principle. Flawed from the start. But upon examining some rather successful interactions, I see how this idea generates peace and healthier communication.
Take control, be the catalyst for peace.
Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
Worth Repeating
Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy, and mutual valuing.
-Rollo May
