Change for Good #2
Becoming aware of three of the most common debilitating thought habits, can empower you to stop them in their tracks and realign your thinking.
- All-or-nothing thinking. Rooted in perfectionistic impulses, you may catch yourself thinking this way. For instance, you start a no-soda diet on January 1st. On January 3rd, you drink a soda with a burger and think, “That’s it. I blew it. It’s all over for the year.” No it’s not. The perfect streak ended in a quick three days, but you can continue your quest to drink less (or no) soda. Give these thoughts some pushback. Try again.
Essentially, all-or-nothing thinking blows situations out of proportion. When you catch yourself thinking in such black and white terms, stop those debilitating thoughts and re-frame for better thinking. Correct these “I’ll never” and “I ruined everything” statements with reason. Convert the false thought into the truth. For example, “I broke my goal of no soda. Maybe my goal is unrealistic. Perhaps I should limit myself to one or three sodas per week. Maybe I should try a different approach. But, I can drink less soda and eventually learn to quit altogether. I can make progress.”
2. Labeling. This happens when you make a mistake and you attach some negative label to yourself. “I’m an idiot…or I’m a…you fill in the blank.” Catch your thoughts when you label yourself or others. No one is as simple as a label. Besides, labeling usually fosters anger and anxiety. This is not a practice of the peaceful and joyful.
Rather, transition your thought from a “being” statement to a “doing” statement. Instead of, “I am an idiot,” try, “I made an unwise move, and I am aware of it, and I will do better than this. Next time, I will _ instead of __.” Then make preparations for a better next time.
3. Should statements. No one likes to be “shoulded on.” The shoulds are all about guilt and even worse, shame. When you catch yourself in a self-talk scourge of shoulds, musts, and oughts, translate those thoughts into the truth.
For example, “I should have finished that project a month ago. Why can’t I get anything done? What’s wrong with me?” Stop. Expose the truth. “I have accomplished many projects in the past month, even while being sick and getting through the holidays. I wish that project was already finished, but it is not. So, what small part of it can I do in the next 20 minutes to get it rolling? Is there someone I need to ask to help me with this?”
This year, you will not execute your life with perfect precision. No one will. When you catch yourself defaulting into one of these three thought traps, stop, re-frame, and realign your thinking.
Worth Repeating
The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.
― Albert Einstein
