Best Practices for Family Caregivers #2
“Just let me know if you need anything,” is offered 10 to 100 times more than it is accepted.
Why? Two reasons.
1. You. You don’t want to be a burden. You don’t know how to articulate what you need. You don’t have much practice at accepting help. I know these issues very well, so no judgement here.
2. Them. The offer is almost always well intentioned. But, they’re not sure what to do either. Thus, the vague offer of “if you need anything.”
Here’s an excerpt from a blog I wrote in 2015, titled “Finding the help I didn’t want to need:”
But, over the past 11 years (now 17) of my wife’s struggle with Dermatomyositis, I have found the help I didn’t want to need in the form of:
- a kind and newly widowed lady who insisted on bringing us food in the early weeks of my wife’s illness.
- an oil and gas company owner and his gracious wife who came to our home to keep our baby and toddler in the middle of the night so we could go to the emergency room.
- my parents driving an hour and a half twice a week to help with our young children.
- my in-laws opening their home to us when my wife experienced a second health crash.
- meals and kind words from numerous friends several times per year when my wife receives IVIG infusion therapy.
- encouraging words and good breakfasts with a man who understands and is 25 years older than I am.
- and about 50 other such examples.
The next time someone offers, may I suggest that you welcome tangible help? Think about it beforehand. How can you convert that vague offer to a specific task? What one thing can you literally not do for yourself? What can you not stand to do one more time? Is there some small, seemingly irrelevant task that would make a difference for you? Or, think in terms of time. If someone had 1 hour per week to help, what would you be willing to have them do? Is there a company or free service that can do any of these things?
Meals, mowing, cleaning up, running errands, making deliveries, gathering information on your behalf, etc. may seem small, but they are crucial pieces to the puzzle of care.
May offers of assistance come your way, and may you find the courage to articulate and welcome tangible help.
Solutions for Care Scenarios
A new company called Raremark is helping connect patients and caregivers with good info on over 7000 rare diseases. They’re also running a few of my posts this month. Here’s one.
Worth Repeating
Receiving is an act of generosity.
-Cheryl Richardson
