Snapshots of Transformation #2
In 2004, my upbeat and energetic wife was diagnosed with Dermatomyositis, which severely affected her muscles and left her in pain and limited capacity. After we announced the lie that we did not need help with meals any more after a mere 2 weeks, Ann showed up at our back door.
She had 5 days worth of frozen meals. I thanked her and said, “You may not have heard but we’re fine and we don’t need meals anymore.” (You know, helpers have the hardest time accepting help. And Ann knew this very well.)
In something like a drill sergeant voice, she poked a finger in my chest and said,”I know your wife is still sick, and I know you probably can’t cook. So, I’m going to bring you meals every week until I think she’s better!”
“Yes ma’am.” And she did. I would wish for everyone to have an Ann.
This early moment in our journey helped me to evolve, to transform just a little bit. I much prefer being the help-er rather than the help-ee, but along the way I continue to learn to accept and appreciate help. I’m not sure I’m good at this yet, but I am better because of Ann and many others like her.
The takeaway? If you need assistance but are hesitant, start small, ask for a consult. If you can do this, you can also ask for tangible help. The truth is, we all need help from someone at some points along the way.
Worth Repeating
The danger of tying your self-worth to being a helper is feeling shame when you have to ask for help. Offering help is courageous and compassionate, but so is asking for help.
-Brene Brown
