Snapshots of Transformation #3
Playing hide-n-seek and wishing that problems would “just go away” tends to be the first response for many of us. Avoidance is a self-defense mechanism for dealing with circumstances that we are not ready to handle. However, this tactic only proves helpful for a very limited time.
“Problems do not go away. They must be worked through or else they remain, forever a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit,” states M. Scott Peck in his classic work, The Road Less Traveled. In fact, Peck even says, “It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually.”
Do you know of any great people who have been exempt from problems? In most cases, the way they handled and overcame difficulty is precisely what equipped them for greatness!
As you tell the truth about your circumstances, perhaps this model from the world of conflict management will prove helpful. In each situation, we find a presenting issue that is above the line. But to get to the heart of the matter, you must identify the real issue that is below the line.
Presenting Issue
The Real Issue
While the presenting issue may be about a diagnosis, medications, limitations, changes of plans, etc. the real issue is usually about fear, freedom and power. It’s what stirs around in your gut that drives the worry, the anger and the disorientation.
About 18 years ago in the first months of my wife’s diagnosis and unraveling health, I was scared to death that I would be a widower in my early 30’s with a toddler and a baby. Our freedom to what we had done and what we expected to do had been severely limited. And our power over my wife’s Dermatomyositis was minimal. We learned to manage it, but what stirred around in my gut was not the presenting issue of doctors and medicine, it was about the real issue of fear, loss of freedom and power in our lives.
The Takeaway? Draw a line. Write your presenting issue above the line. Then think about what the real issue is and how that may very well be related to fear, freedom and power. Clarifying this may take some time, or it may become crystal clear in an instant. Either way, this can help you improve your perspective on troubling circumstances.
Worth Repeating
It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually.
-M. Scott Peck
