On Smiles #4
I love this one. The self-differentiated smile. Sometimes, when you know what you’re doing, who you are, and where you belong, this smile emerges. Not smug, but rather confident in the best sense of the word.
The folks at GoodTherapy describe it this way: “The term self-differentiation was first introduced by Murray Bowen, whose ideas are the basis of family systems therapy. There are two aspects to self-differentiation: intrapsychic differentiation and interpersonal differentiation. Intrapsychic differentiation is when we can tell apart our thoughts from our emotions. In other words, it’s self-awareness. On the other hand, interpersonal differentiation is when we can distinguish our experience from the experience of people we are connected to. Both aspects of self-differentiation are important, as they empower us to be aware of our current state and the influence of different interactions and environments on our state so we can take action.”
Self-awareness. Knowing who you are and who you’re not. Connected, but not entangled adversely with others. Perhaps you gain a sense of this when you’re in a conversation with multiple people and you see them being swept into the anger, the despair, or the telltale signs of a victim-mentality. Yet, you remain above it all. Not in a self-righteous way, but in a “no thank you, I’m just fine over here” sort of way. Or, maybe you experience it when you’re in a state of flow, engaged and productive in something you love, and when you take a break, you smile, just knowing you’re doing the right thing.
Whenever or however this smile comes to you, I send you wishes for frequent self-differentiated smiles!
Worth Repeating
Differentiation is essential for happiness of adults.
― Barbara Sher
