Getting ahead of the moment
Some of us wear our emotions on our sleeves. Some of us keep our emotions up our sleeves. Either way, anger, resentment, and less than stellar moments still communicate.
To counter emotional blowups, some cultivate stoicism. Not me. Others trust in the overriding good even while feeding the full range of emotional expression. Not all bad, until outbursts of anger receive a pass. So, how should be think about this?
In the context of children, employees, spouses, friends, and, dare I say, fellow drivers, plan on gentleness. If you are prone to surges of rage, stop it. No one is impressed.
Plan on gentleness. Not push-over-ness. But gentleness. This response requires significant self-control, and typically pre-planning. How can we move in this direction?
1. Visualize. Imagine the common situation in which you might blow up. Notice your triggers. Begin to visualize yourself responding differently.
2. Decide. Choose how you will respond. Create a one-step or three-step process to de-escalate. Perhaps the next three will help.
3. Count to 10 as many time as necessary. Sounds silly, but if you count to 10 until you can proceed, you have already taken a better path.
4. Find the humor. Often, the events that make us the maddest contain an element of humor.
5. Find the love. The person on the other end will most likely be transformed for the better more by your love than by your anger.
We’re all works in progress. And embracing gentleness will be a sure sign of maturity along the way.
Worth Repeating
Only the weak are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong.
-Leo Buscaglia
