On Boundaries

Boundaries #1

Learning about the concept of boundaries has proven to be the gift that keeps on giving in our marriage, parenting and work. Popularized by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend in a series of books a few decades ago, the staying power and relevancy of these healthy ideas continues to guide people in the right direction. Consider the 10 Laws of Boundaries below:

1. The Law of Sowing and Reaping- Our actions have consequences.
2. The Law of Responsibility- We are responsible to each other, but not for each other.
3. The Law of Power- We have power over some things; we don’t have power over others (including changing people).
4. The Law of Respect- If we wish for others to respect our boundaries, we need to respect theirs.
5. The Law of Motivation- We must be free to say no before we can whole-heartedly say yes.
6. The Law of Evaluation-We need to evaluate the pain our boundaries cause others.
7. The Law of Proactivity- We take action to solve problems based on our values, wants, and needs.
8. The Law of Envy- We will never get what we want if we focus outside our boundaries onto what others have.
9. The Law of Activity- We need to take the initiative in setting limits rather than be passive.
10. The Law of Exposure- We need to communicate our boundaries to each other.

Over the next several weeks, we’ll drill down on some of these and apply them to situations you will readily identify from your own experience. Till then, pick one that resonated with you and meditate on it for a full 60 seconds.

Worth Repeating

We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.

― Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

Curious? Click here to purchase an updated version of the original Boundaries book.