Initiating the move to peace from within

Have you slipped into the rut of constant critique?

You know what I mean. I have done it too. Over the years with certain individuals I have become frustrated, and therefore slipped into a routine of constant critique. In other words, when I think of this person, I only think of the things that I don’t like, that I wish they would change. I fancy myself superior because I know so much better. If only they would get their act together in the ways that I could easily tell them to do!

But this is not the person I want to be. This is probably not the person you want to be either. The person you have in mind at this moment might even be a close friend or family member or coworker. Most likely that is exactly who it is. Now step back for a moment.

Consider this quote: peace always comes to those who choose to forgive. This is one of Desmond Tutu’s many insightful statements on the nature of forgiveness. When you slip into a state of constant critique, The solution will come in some form of forgiveness.

Perhaps you would like to try what I did. Sensing dissatisfaction and overall disapproval of one individual, I considered the other side of things. I started by saying out loud to God and myself and the birds that I forgive this person. They do not have to meet my standards. Besides, I have no control over what they do or don’t do. So I choose to forgive.

In that instance, a sense of peace came to me. And I received it.

What happened next came as a surprise. I began to think about the things I appreciate about that person. Easily, I noted 10 to 15 things that I thought they were doing right. Things that I might even want to do were I in their shoes. Again, piece came to me in waves.

The problem is, that this still doesn’t change the things I don’t like. There are some ways in which I may still need to set boundaries and distance myself. But not in all ways. And of course, just because I forgave on this one day, does not mean that I will feel very forgiving another day. So most likely, I will have to do this all over again and again and again. But it is a step in the right direction and I’m releasing the prisoner of my harsh judgment: me.

Perhaps you were thinking of someone you need to forgive. Perhaps you need to receive a sense of peace about this relationship. Maybe, it’s time to move from critique to appreciation.

Worth Repeating

Peace always comes to those who choose to forgive.

Desmond Tutu